Tag Archives: health

Patience and Gratitude. Gratitude and Patience.

My life, it seems, has been a series of lessons on patience and gratitude, gratitude and patience the past few years. I don’t always pass with flying colors, actually, I might venture to say I fail a lot more than I pass.  What I am grateful to say, though, it that I keep getting back up and forging forward when I fail.

I stopped writing for a while because healing was not happening as I desired it to.  I gained weight, I was physically exhausted and my emotions were a roller coaster.  I was, and continue to, eat a very clean diet of protein and veggies, I take my load of vitamins, I workout, as my body lets me, I pray, I do deep, dirty, forgiveness and living for love work with my coach, and I felt I physically just continued to spiral downward.

Welcome to this new world of an imbalanced thyroid.

Somewhere between surgery 1, 2 and 3 my thyroid said enough. I’m tired. I can’t keep up. What is going on here?!?

Unfortunately for me, this little butterflied shaped love in my throat regulates my metabolism, energy and hormones! Note to all: you do not want one or any of these to be off.

There have been many times in the last year that I said, I’m done, I can’t do this anymore.  I fail.  Its enough.  There were so many times that I’ve gone into my victim, pity pool of why me.  Haven’t I been through enough health stuff? I have completely changed my diet, my lifestyle, my habits – all of them.  I got really ugly, really mean, really sad, really selfish a lot.  I am so far from perfect or patient.

I have also had days where I have been patient and so very grateful for this journey.  I could see how getting a tumor, having a hernia, and having surgeries for both have majorly shaped who I am today.  I could see that by getting cut so deep I soared so high and found out so much about myself.  I could see that I am in such a better place spiritually and how I have grown so incredibly.  I have hope for all to come.  I can be grateful for my journey and have patience for my body to physically, get there – to where I want it to be.  Sometimes.

I want my actions to equal fair results.  I want my input of healthy choices to equal an output of a toned body, good health, a clear mind, loads of energy and steady emotions.

Somewhere along the line I believed that if I could just control life, life would give me what I wanted.  If I could just control my body, my body would give me what I want (or think I want).  I am so grateful God is in control and not me. His love is teaching me so much about my false control theories in this.

I believe that God will keep giving me lessons until I spiritually evolve, until I’m done with this – and then continue even after that to ensure I’ve got it.  Only because he’s a good, good father that wants his children to get better, grow and evolve.  I want that too.  I want to end this vicious cycle with my challenged health, body hatred and emotional torture for my lineage and that of others.

I am not the first in my family to go through health and body issue challenges like this, but my hope is to change this challenge more than just physically, but spiritually for those little beautiful girls that run around that I get to now call nieces and cousins….and the ones that come after them.

I know God knows that.  In fact, I believe its one of the reasons He sent me here.  He knows that I know and so I feel like He keeps asking me – are you sure, are you sure you want to be the one to end this?  I think He is reminding me, this didn’t stick around for generations and effect millions of women like it is effecting me because it is easy to push through.

And then I have patience, when I remember Him telling me these words.  And gratitude that He would choose me. And then I solider on and do the work I need to do again, just one more day.

I didn’t think I could come back and write until I was where I wanted to be  – healthy, happy, at the weight I desired, without the thyroid or hormone issues, singing from mountain tops.  I thought this blog would always be an incredible story of victory and overcoming – and maybe it is – because sitting here, writing this post, showing up in the imperfect, sharing the real, that is winning, that is victory.  That is doing Gods work and that is absolutely, perfectly, why I am here.

In health and healing,

Sera Fiana

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Giving Thanks…

Grateful Scrab

I am pretty grateful this year.

I certainly have a lot to be grateful for.  I am not sure I have more to be grateful for this year verses in years past or if its simply because I’ve experienced such significant shifts in my life this year, that my awareness of what I have is tilted up just a notch.  Either way, it feels good to recognize and feel this gratitude.

So, as we roll out of the Thanksgiving weekend…. here’s my list of the top things I’m giving thanks for right now:

I.am.grateful

My health – I’m still amazed everyday at how much my body has healed in one year.  I am healthy and healing and so grateful for this amazing body that just takes my beatings and keeps on going.  I am grateful for Dr. Hoxworth and Laura for leading me to Dr. H, for my Mom and Dad and sisters that took care of me during recover from my surgery (and since the day I was born, if I’m honest), for Steve who has been my rock through the entire process, for Secili that is such a gift to my life right now in keeping me focused, strong and faithful in my recovery, and for my love, compassion and desire that God brings to my heart to know that I can get even better and that I am  – everyday.

My Family – I have such a loving, caring, giving, compassionate family that I have taken for granted for way too long.  This year, I sing gratitude for all they are and all they have given me – time, patience, love, support, courage and wisdom.  Grateful.

Steve – This man is amazing and I feel incredibly fortunate that God has brought him into my life.  His patience, compassion, drive and courage makes me a better person everyday.

My home – I love living in VA, from the actual roof over my head, my apartment, to the area I live, with its history and fun places to explore to the people, the community, I’ve had the fortune to meet here and spend my time with….I don’t think Virginia is ever going to get rid of me.  I’m grateful for this home.

God – My gratitude for the patience and guidance and love that God graces me with everyday no matter what I accomplish or don’t accomplish no matter how much I have or have not glorified him in the past.  I am learning about the volumes of gratitude I owe to God (umm, my entire life) and I am grateful for this process.  Without God none of this list would even be possible and I am eternally grateful that I learned that this year.

Friends – I am so grateful for my girlfriends that listen with such open hearts, speak with such wisdom and ignite the passion in my heart.

gratitute prayer

And……I’m grateful for you.  I’m grateful you read this and care to share in my life.  You may or may not have noticed that it takes a lot for me to write and speak and get this out, but I’m grateful that when I do…you’re still here, reading.  Thank you for cheering me on even if you never say a word.

In love and healing (and gratitude),

Sera

enough