7.10.09
My run went amazingly well this morning. After assuring SM on the car ride to Valley Green that I was going to “take it easy this morning” because my Wednesday run was quite a workout (shout out and big thanks to RK for a great run), it turned out that today’s run was “easy,” however it was one of the quickest and farthest training runs I have had so far.
Just as the thought crossed my mind, “Wow, we’re never going to get 3 miles in going the speed we are this morning,” SM called out that we were at mile 2 (thanks, Garmond) and should turn around soon to get to the car in time to get to the shelter – WHAT?! I was shocked – wait, how are we done 2 miles already? I feel great, my legs are in rhythm, my breathing is calm and to be honest, I don’t feel like I am working too hard here. We were running about 8 minute miles (when I told her I would probably do 10’s today just because I felt I needed to pull back) and I felt great. Now, this is after my last 4 -5 runs have felt terrible and I wanted to tap out at mile 1.5 (insert “damn surgery”). Matter of fact, after Wednesdays run I questioned whether I was being crazy to think that I could run a half marathon 7 months post abdominal surgery and the loss of 2 ½ abdominal muscles – isn’t your core pretty important to running?! What was happening here today?
For a girl that pushes herself in everything she does to do better, be better, work harder, reach higher, recover faster, I think I just found a little chunk of new motivation. What if by allowing myself to be average, to have a bad day, a slow run or a crabby attitude I did just the opposite – excelled, had a great day, a fast run and a contagious, happy attitude? If I could have a quarter, just a quarter, for the amount of times I have heard friends, family and honestly, strangers say, “Sera, you’re just too hard on yourself,” I would be rich. I know it. I would be sitting pretty in a mansion on a beach somewhere letting the breeze blow in my hair, guaranteed, courtesy of a bunch of shiny silver quarters. I always ignore these comments though because I feel my push, shoot for the starts and kill myself on the way attitude has been my motivation in life. It has gotten me where I am – out of the country, into the city working in finance, running races, living in a fabulous apartment, taking care of myself, but what if, what if my friends, family, and complete strangers were right? What if by not being so hard on myself I would still succeed and succeed past my wild imagination with tons of happiness in my life?
Hmmm….lets think about this – be nice to yourself, don’t beat yourself up when you screw up or have a bad run, or mess up that report, say the wrong thing or just need a little more sleep? Instead, let life happen, accept the inevitable, (bad days, stupid mistakes, and foot in your mouth comments) deal with these moments, maturely by learning from them and actually being grateful they happened – and in the end, achieve more, greater, better, bigger things?
Honestly – It scares me. This idea contradicts 27 years of tough, don’t let yourself down, keep going till your bleeding, discipline in this little head, but I can’t help but think that after today’s run I could be on to something. I can’t promise I’ll integrate this daily just yet, kids, and don’t hold me to it the next time you hear me complaining about not getting a workout in or eating that damn cookie. I’m just putting this out there, asking the question, and hoping the answer comes – maybe as easily as my run this morning. WOO HOO – Happy Friday!
With Gratitude,
SFS
Sera Fiana 