Tag Archives: gratitude

Giving Thanks…

Grateful Scrab

I am pretty grateful this year.

I certainly have a lot to be grateful for.  I am not sure I have more to be grateful for this year verses in years past or if its simply because I’ve experienced such significant shifts in my life this year, that my awareness of what I have is tilted up just a notch.  Either way, it feels good to recognize and feel this gratitude.

So, as we roll out of the Thanksgiving weekend…. here’s my list of the top things I’m giving thanks for right now:


My health – I’m still amazed everyday at how much my body has healed in one year.  I am healthy and healing and so grateful for this amazing body that just takes my beatings and keeps on going.  I am grateful for Dr. Hoxworth and Laura for leading me to Dr. H, for my Mom and Dad and sisters that took care of me during recover from my surgery (and since the day I was born, if I’m honest), for Steve who has been my rock through the entire process, for Secili that is such a gift to my life right now in keeping me focused, strong and faithful in my recovery, and for my love, compassion and desire that God brings to my heart to know that I can get even better and that I am  – everyday.

My Family – I have such a loving, caring, giving, compassionate family that I have taken for granted for way too long.  This year, I sing gratitude for all they are and all they have given me – time, patience, love, support, courage and wisdom.  Grateful.

Steve – This man is amazing and I feel incredibly fortunate that God has brought him into my life.  His patience, compassion, drive and courage makes me a better person everyday.

My home – I love living in VA, from the actual roof over my head, my apartment, to the area I live, with its history and fun places to explore to the people, the community, I’ve had the fortune to meet here and spend my time with….I don’t think Virginia is ever going to get rid of me.  I’m grateful for this home.

God – My gratitude for the patience and guidance and love that God graces me with everyday no matter what I accomplish or don’t accomplish no matter how much I have or have not glorified him in the past.  I am learning about the volumes of gratitude I owe to God (umm, my entire life) and I am grateful for this process.  Without God none of this list would even be possible and I am eternally grateful that I learned that this year.

Friends – I am so grateful for my girlfriends that listen with such open hearts, speak with such wisdom and ignite the passion in my heart.

gratitute prayer

And……I’m grateful for you.  I’m grateful you read this and care to share in my life.  You may or may not have noticed that it takes a lot for me to write and speak and get this out, but I’m grateful that when I do…you’re still here, reading.  Thank you for cheering me on even if you never say a word.

In love and healing (and gratitude),




Gratitude and Hope and Gratitude.

I  feel grateful, inspired and at peace today as I sit to write.

Grateful that I started writing several months ago to share my story of healing with you, inspired by the runners that I watched push on at the Marine Corps Marathon today in DC and at peace with where my life is right now, in this moment.

Pride pulsed through me today as I watched the runners push past mile 16 and 17, then 19 and 20.  I felt pride for them, in the training they had done to get to that point, pride in their stamina to push through the next few tough miles and, selfishly, pride for myself that I’ve been okay with not running since April.


Linsey and I at the Marathon!

Running has brought me joy, pain, grief, exciemtment and answers to some of the most difficult decisions in my life.  It was a constant, a steady, a joy in my life.  Running was my meditation and my prayer time, my reflection and relaxation time – and I have been without it for almost 7 months and it is so healing to say – I am still okay.  I am here and healthy and happy and maybe even stronger without running (for right now).

I am recognizing  that sometimes things are taken away or paused in my life that help me transition my focus and attention (even if I really don’t want to) to other things.  Would I be as focused on my healing, on my relationship with God, on building a great relationship with Steve, on finding other great hobbies in my life (like writing), if I still had running to lean on?  Maybe, maybe not.  I do know in this situation that not having running has changed and shifted many behaviors, habits and focus.  Was I okay with that 7 months ago?  Nope.  Not at all.  Quite frankly, I was angry, resentful and mad that I could not run.  I wanted to run and kept trying even when it hurt me more than brought any joy.  Now, however, I’m grateful for the new friends, relationships, hobbies, ideas and time not running has brought into my life.


I heart runners!

The Lord gives and takes away.

I know I’ll run again and I’m confident I’ll run a race again in the future.  I’m sure when I’m on the starting line of that race I’ll be even more grateful for running and my body then I ever was at the start of the last 40ish races I’ve done in the past.  Maybe that’s one of the lessons I was to learn in all of this – to seek gratitude in all things.

It feels uncomfortable for me when things are taken away, but I can be grateful for the growth opportunities it inspires.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My family that loves me so much.

2. DC – this city that I love and enjoy living in.

3. National Community Church and the friends I’ve made there

4. My laptop that keeps me connected

5. Hope

In love and healing,



DC FUN! White house fall garden tour with Kim!


I love DC!

How I am healing…

It occurred to me today that I am 2 months out from having my abdominal wall reconstructed.  Two months from an answer to a prayer, a dream, a wish, I held so closely for the last 4 years – and at the core of my honesty, a prayer answered to a request I’ve placed in the Universe since my young childhood years.  That dream was to have a body I loved and was proud of.  I am here.  I  have so much pride and love for my body right now, in this moment and that is more healing than I could have ever imagined would come with this surgery.

I am not saying my body is perfect (which when I said I want to “have a body I loved” when I was younger was what I thought I wanted).  I am saying that I have a body that is perfect for me, that I am proud of and that I love.  I have a body that is resilient and strong and persistent and beautiful.  I have healed into this place.  It wasn’t just the surgery.  It has been the years of reflection and courage to look at the dark places of why I wanted to be perfect.  It has been the years of coaching and acupuncture, the years of imagery work with my great coach, the time I’ve spent in Program for my eating disorder and the long conversations with my friends, family and community of letting out the “shame” and blame that lived in my head about who I was, or, really, who I thought I was, and who I wanted to be.

I’m grateful for the tears and the pain, the uncomfortable moments of saying things out loud that I thought would embarrass and wound me to my very core.  I am grateful for the courageous people who have stood beside me, taken some of the whiplash of my pain and continued to cheer me on as I healed.  I am grateful for the moments of triumph too.  The moment I found Dr. Hoxworth and knew inside he was the right doc.  The day on the acupuncture table that I was no longer afraid to go back to my first surgery and heal the pain.  The many days when I shared with strangers the wacky relationship I have to my body and food and exercise.  The day that I took accountability for my role in a life long relationship that I played the victim in for way too long – what. a relief. to own my role and responsability .  The day I left finance and took a risk to follow some greater calling that I wasn’t 100% clear on, but knew it didn’t involve me, graphs, a cubical and/or Morningstar.  The day I decided to take a break from BOMF and stand up for what I believed was right.  The day I decided it was okay to hit publish on this blog AND send it to people to read!

All these times play into my healing – and still do.  They play into me being able to go into this surgery confident and ready, grateful and courageous.  They allow me to sail through this recovery with faith, trust, guidance and confidence.

So, how am I healing this week?  Well, more than once this week, I looked at myself in the mirror and said aloud (and confidently), “I love you just as you are.  You are beautiful.”  That’s how I am healing – and better progress than a Vitamin E, kale, walking or resting update I could ever give you this week.

In love and healing,