Tag Archives: hope

Dreaming…

I love to write.

I need to write.

I learn from writing.

I write in my journals and have since I was a child.

I write lists upon lists upon lists to make sure I am accomplishing all that I promise to or hope to.

I write to keep myself sane and to figure out solutions to everything going on in my life.

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If it happened, I’m sure I wrote about it….and if I didn’t, it certainly happened again so that I had to write about it.

Writing is my problem solver, it’s my reminder, it’s my encourager.

There is something about putting pen to paper that changes everything for me.  When I let life sit in my head, it gets funky.  It gets distorted.  It doesn’t make sense, but when I give it some ink.  It all flushes out.  I have that aha moment I needed and solutions abound.

Are you tracking with me?

Outside of just writing for problem solving and reflection, I’ve taken a special interest in getting more specific and vivid about my dreams and goals the last few years.

At the start of every year, I write detailed, vivid dreams in the areas of love, health, work, money and relationship to self (which has evolved to spirituality for me) and then I re-write, re-work, update these dreams throughout the year and reflect on them at each year end.  I learned this process from my awesome coaches at the Handel Group, who I have been working with for the past 5 years, and it has changed the game for me.

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My dreams come true.  And they blow me away.

This flat belly I now have post surgery.  Wrote about that before it happened.

This awesome man and relationship in my life.  Wrote about that and it happened.

The apartment I live in.  Wrote about that and it happened.

This spiritual journey I’ve been on.  Wrote about that.

Its an amazing process to journey through and it isn’t always perfect (sometimes its even better than I’ve dreamed) and other times the details are slightly different, but the magic is that it drives me to dream bigger, pray harder, believe more in the power of creating.

It helps to remind me that with God, I am an author of my life, not a victim of my life.  I can create with God.  I can live a beautiful, abundant life, but I have to be present, believe and create.

Some tips I use when writing my dreams/visions:

The dream is always present tense.  I am in it.

There is no negative digs at myself of things I want to “fix” about myself.  I am thriving.

I can feel what I am writing.  I know what feelings I want to evoke and I can feel them when I read it.

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I am learning more each day about how important this practice is to me and how much is serves as an amazing guide in my life.

In a step of vulnerability, I’ll share my 2014 spiritual dream with you.  My dreams are very close to my heart and so personal, so please enjoy with love.

Here is my 2014 Spirituality dreams.  Praying for its full fulfillment.

God leads my life.  I honor and acknowledge His presence.  I trust His guidance.  I live guided by faith in His will for me.  I am a light that shows His love to others.  My vulnerability, authenticity, courage and love is a reflection of His traits in me.  My ability to follow faith, confidently and courageously live life with integrity to who I want to be, gives me great pride and joy.  I appreciate and recognize my charisma, generosity, genuineness and deep love for those in my life.  I embrace my heart, the joy in my life and all the happiness that flows through me and around me.  Silently, I meditate and receive love and healing.  The practice of prayer is a reprieve, guide,  and joy for me.  My heart is flooded with joy as I give and offer service regularly.

Do you write dreams?  Any tips?  Any dreams you dared to write that came true?  Please share in comments below (I really would love to hear from you).

In love and healing,

Sera

 

Rejoice

Rejoice is a word that has been appearing in my life, in my reading…and as a consequence in my heart a lot this week.

After hearing it multiple times, I looked up the definition and found that it means:

V: feel or show great joy and delight

This is kind of how it feels:

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Of course, the analyst that I am (thanks, Dad), I started to question why, all of a sudden I am feeling such an overwhelming amount of joy.  My conclusion: well, first, a lot of great things are happening in my life (many things I will continue to tell in the coming weeks) including an appointment with a  great doctor last week that lead me to a diagnoses of hypothyroidism, which makes so much sense for many of the symptoms I have been living with = HOPE, things at work are going wonderful and stable = PEACE, my Mom is doing so well and is a healing warrior = HEALING, I have an amazing partner to navigate life with = LOVE, the sun is finally out and well, God is showering grace over me (like always) =LOVE, GRACE, HOPE, HEALING, PEACE, FAITH.

AND…

While all these things are very true, there is another thing that I am rejoicing in.  FREEDOM

A few weeks ago, you may not have found my blog on vulnerability as deep as I did, but let me tell you what happened.  In that post, I freed myself of shame I have been holding onto a long time….like all my life long.  I told you my “numbers,” weight/size, and it freed me.  Maybe not in that moment, but since then, wow, what a process.  Somehow, admitting that shame freed me from it.  Why?  Because, really, I’m not so sure you even care that much (not a ton of feedback after I wrote it) and YOU ALL STILL LOVE me after it.  I know cause I can feel it and you show  me.

So this belief that I cannot be loved if I’m not a certain size or weight is being healed.  9 year old Sera is rejoicing too – and she so deserves to feel love and peace and healing.    I cannot put into words how freeing and life changing it is.

All I’ve read about shame and vulnerability tells me this is the result, but I couldn’t really understand until I felt it and realized why my JOY was so deep until I reflected this week.

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My mind is free to think of other things instead of my weight, my heart was freed to love myself right now, right here at this size, in this moment and my world just opened up.  Do you understand?  Do you relate?

Who else has felt this?

Who else is living in joy?

OR who needs to release some shame and be a little vulnerable?

Wanna join in my REJOICING?  Post below.  Let me know.

In love and healing,

Sera

 

Gratitude and Hope and Gratitude.

I  feel grateful, inspired and at peace today as I sit to write.

Grateful that I started writing several months ago to share my story of healing with you, inspired by the runners that I watched push on at the Marine Corps Marathon today in DC and at peace with where my life is right now, in this moment.

Pride pulsed through me today as I watched the runners push past mile 16 and 17, then 19 and 20.  I felt pride for them, in the training they had done to get to that point, pride in their stamina to push through the next few tough miles and, selfishly, pride for myself that I’ve been okay with not running since April.

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Linsey and I at the Marathon!

Running has brought me joy, pain, grief, exciemtment and answers to some of the most difficult decisions in my life.  It was a constant, a steady, a joy in my life.  Running was my meditation and my prayer time, my reflection and relaxation time – and I have been without it for almost 7 months and it is so healing to say – I am still okay.  I am here and healthy and happy and maybe even stronger without running (for right now).

I am recognizing  that sometimes things are taken away or paused in my life that help me transition my focus and attention (even if I really don’t want to) to other things.  Would I be as focused on my healing, on my relationship with God, on building a great relationship with Steve, on finding other great hobbies in my life (like writing), if I still had running to lean on?  Maybe, maybe not.  I do know in this situation that not having running has changed and shifted many behaviors, habits and focus.  Was I okay with that 7 months ago?  Nope.  Not at all.  Quite frankly, I was angry, resentful and mad that I could not run.  I wanted to run and kept trying even when it hurt me more than brought any joy.  Now, however, I’m grateful for the new friends, relationships, hobbies, ideas and time not running has brought into my life.

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I heart runners!

The Lord gives and takes away.

I know I’ll run again and I’m confident I’ll run a race again in the future.  I’m sure when I’m on the starting line of that race I’ll be even more grateful for running and my body then I ever was at the start of the last 40ish races I’ve done in the past.  Maybe that’s one of the lessons I was to learn in all of this – to seek gratitude in all things.

It feels uncomfortable for me when things are taken away, but I can be grateful for the growth opportunities it inspires.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My family that loves me so much.

2. DC – this city that I love and enjoy living in.

3. National Community Church and the friends I’ve made there

4. My laptop that keeps me connected

5. Hope

In love and healing,

Sera

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DC FUN! White house fall garden tour with Kim!

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I love DC!

Grazie, Bella!!

8.7.09

Happy Friday! This has been such a gratifying week for me. I kicked off my campaign this week and only 5 days in I have already raised over $1,000. I am so pleased!! The response I have received from my friends and family has been amazing. Each dollar that comes in just gets me more and more hopeful. I am so excited about helping to advance the research for desmoid tumors. I have so many questions that I would love to see answered in my lifetime and I know each dollar is a boost to research. Thank you to all of those that gave already and helped start this campaign off on the right foot!

My runs were nothing short of fabulous this week! I am increasing mileage week by week and my legs (and just as important abs) feel great! This week I did two four mile runs in the city both in the crazy Philly humidity that was lingering about and then a chilly 5 mile run in the beautiful suburbs today. After yesterdays series of storms this mornings run actually required a long sleeve shirt – it was so refreshing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not begging for autumn just yet, but after a few weeks of humid runs this morning was much deserved. I’ll be doing my longest run so far, 7 miles, tomorrow – woot woot!!

I think you will be happy to know that the majority of my thinking time on my runs this week revolved around each and everyone of you! As I trotted along by myself on Wednesday and with SM this morning, I couldn’t help but reflect, after the embracing support I received this week, on how lucky I am to have such amazing friends and family. There is not one day, not a single day since I had my first MRI that I have had to face this process alone. Some days I did choose to pull away from everyone and work through this by myself, in my own personal space and “physically” alone but I always knew, 100%, there were so many people just a phone call away – some days I used these lifelines and some days I didn’t. When I did use those lifelines the pure support I received is something I wish everyone feels in their lifetime. In addition, the acts of kindness I saw during this process were so heart warming.

So, I thought it only appropriate that after a week of such embrace, I spend some time saying thank you to several individuals that went out of their way for me the past few months and supported me above and beyond.  Forgive me as this list may get pretty long – I think you’ll realize  how lucky I am :)!

First and foremost, my family – My mother and father were AMAZING! They should both be given metals of honor, amatrak train passes, ezpass and gold hearts for the dedication, support, love and selflessness they gave to me over the past few months (well and years to be quite honest). NEVER once in all these months did they ever complain about the amount of time they had to spend commuting back and forth to Philly, taking off work to come stay with me and taking care of me or, just as important – never did they complain or show an ounce of weakness at what they were watching me go through. They are soldiers – pure, embodiment of strength, love and commitment.

Thank you, Mom, for pushing me through this, reminding me day in and day out that there was nothing we couldn’t get through, for cooking amazing post-surgery foods, soups and salads to keep me healthy and strong, for letting me beat you in skippo when I get need something to cheer about in the hospital, for beautiful and creative Christmas decorations that we got to look at for weeks while we lounged around my apartment, for getting addicted to Sex and the City with me while we lounged (we need to get you season 6!), for putting on my running sneakers and tying them when I couldn’t (I will never forget that moment) and most importantly for being there for me at a drop of a dime when I needed you with a supportive vote of confidence, a stern push, a conversation to take my mind off of everything or just a note to say you cared.

Thank you, Dad for staying right beside me through all of this, for going to NY with me when you knew I needed a second opinion to calm my mind, for living out of a bag for most of December, for holding my hand when I woke up in excruciating pain, for stepping out of your comfort zone and making squash soup because I heard it helped heal, for being strong when you had to watch your little girl go through something that you never wanted to watch and not flinching – well, not in front of me anyway- for doing the dishes, for driving me back and forth to Philly when I needed piece of mind and for taking me for my first walks and also taking me to spa between my surgeries so I could get my haircut (yes – I am crazy, but I had to get out!!) – I know no man like to be in those place, you were so awesome for going with me!!

I love you both! What a lucky girl to get such awesome parents!

Thank you, Allison, for being the best friend I could have ever asked for as I went through this. For going to Dr. S’s with me just to reassure me that I was doing the right thing – really, did you do that for me?! – for the games, the books, the music, the clothes, the chats, the words of encouragement and most of all for just being you – you’re the best friend a girl could ask for.

Thank you, Nicole, well, first for every season of Sex and the City I could ask for  and books and magazines, and mashed potatoes and frozen fruit bars, for sitting and chatting and being there any moment I needed you and for cooking me dinner when I just didn’t have the desire…

To Nicole, Allison and Rachael for going out of their comfort zones to run a half marathon – even when they didn’t want to and were scared and sore and tired and sick of me complaining about not being able to do it. None of you, not one of you, will ever, ever know what Disney meant to me – the princesses, the awesome condo, the flight, Ponderosa 🙂 – I love you girls.

To my sisters for being my watchful eye as I sat at home and rested through surgery and for having amazing kids that helped keep my mind off all the pain while I was recouping….and for always being a phone call away and supporting me through from a distance.

To Jennifer for being such a great outlet for me, listening & supporting  – and taking an amazing trip to Italy with me. I’ll never forget “prego” and tolls, tuscany and red, red wine – such fun and just what I needed!

To Alexis, Jess, Jen, Jason, Qamara, Lake for the beautiful flowers while I was recovering.

To Ali for so much – geez – where do i start?  Your support, great recipes, great post surgery information and so much more – couldn’t have done this without you.

To Rach – well you know what for 🙂 It all comes full circle, huh?!

To Julie for being there for me with all of my questions and for being a survivor – telling me everything I could expect. You were such a great support!

To Sarah for bringing me soup to the hospital when I hated their food and then going grocery shopping for me when Mom & I couldn’t get out.

To Joe for driving me home so I didn’t have to deal with the da*n Philly taxi drivers again – they do swerve to hit every bump even if you tell them you just had stomach surgery!

To Molly, Jeff and the rest of product management for being the most SUPPORTIVE group of co-workers I could have ever asked for going through this.

To Back on My Feet, Anne, Wylie, Andy, Sarah, Katie, Sophia, Mike, Shanley, Laverne, CeeCee, Maria, Freda, Chris….oh the list goes on and on – thanks for supporting me, giving me hope and inspiring me – always.

To Sandi for coming into my life at just the right time and pushing me on my runs, giving me high fives every time and just being an awesome friend any time I need.

To Dr. S for cutting Zelda (yes I named my tumor) out of me. Your patient hands will always be a gift to me.

To Dr. A for being the best primary doctor in the city of brotherly love, yes if you need a doctor go to him!!!  You’re support was nothing short of amazing!!

Finally, to Zelda – without this tumor I wouldn’t have had this amazing experience of seeing people really step up and be so supportive.  Sometimes out of the hardest things in life come the greatest good – and this has sure been the truth of this experience for me.

Here’s to another great week of training, great friends & a heart full of gratitude!!

With gratitude,

SFS

Please donate at: http://www.active.com/donate/sera_dtrf