To be.

I am an achiever.

Give me a task, a goal, a problem that you want solved and if you engage me, if it feels right, I’ll jump in and drive and work hard to accomplish the desired outcome way past the time others would endure.  I was reminded of this strength earlier this year as I took a strength assessment with my team at work.  It was my top strength at of all my strengths, which mean it holds the most weight in my life and the one trait you can be sure you will get when working with me.

I like to achieve.  It drives me to do great things.  It drives me to finish long races, take on challenging projects and assignments at work and keep going until they are done.   It is also what pushes me to keep movement forward on my journey of healing.

Being an achiever sure does help accomplish and is a great strength, but it also has its dark side.  In some instances, I don’t know when to stop pushing, driving, going.  I push past the point of pain and hurt myself.  A prime example is when I used to wrap my belly in bandages during the worst time of my stomach problems, to keep my stomach tight, so I could go out and run long runs.  I needed those miles, I needed to feel like I was achieving even if I was really hurting my body and complicating an already yucky situation.  It also rears its head in times when I have given my best and learned the lesson(s) set to be learned in a situation, yet keep pushing to achieve the goal I set out on.  Maybe the goal God had in mind wasn’t what I really set up to do in the beginning, but what I learned along the way, and the achievement is in the learning, yet, I keep pushing.

God is working on this trait in me. He’s given me the grace to see the beauty in it and how to be grateful for its positives, while also challenging it’s dark side.  I am at a time of transition in my life where old things are being stripped and room is being made for the new (exciting and scary), so you can imagine when I heard God say to me, “You be. Let me.” as I prayed through what He wanted me to do, it gave me great confusion.  This statement, which I have sat on for several weeks, meditated with, shared, pondered, is really so freeing, so liberating and so empowering, yet requires such a level of faith (especially for this achiever) that it gave me great pause.

You be. Let me.

There is so much trust wound up in this command, this invitation, this promise.  There is so much freedom, so much release, so much faith.

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I have prayed for years that God would increase my faith, guide me, lead me to places I wouldn’t go on my own and give me trust.  I feel like he is inviting me into this in a new way.  I am so grateful and I am so saying yes.  Yes, to stopping the list of things I can do. Yes, to not trying to figure out alternatives to achieve what I want, when things aren’t going my way.  Yes, to trusting that there is a big, beautiful plan that I couldn’t even accomplish it I gave it my best.

For today, no writing lists of next steps, scheming of how things should and will go in this transition or even deep prayers of asking for specifics.

Instead I release, I let go, I be.

How healing.

In health and healing,

SeraFiana

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