presence…and reflection

I was given the gift of presence and reflection this weekend.

The gift of being present with my Mom, my Sister, my niece and nephew as we explored D.C. and the wonder of the cherry blossoms.  Present to how precious life is and how grateful I am to live in a fun place and have an adventurous family to explore it with.

While also having the gift of reflection.   In the evenings after long days, I couldn’t help but, due to the circumstances, reflect on pain and how it make us stronger.

Watching my Mother’s strength and pain from all she is enduring right now – ending chemo, starting radiation, learning to live in a body post surgery, I reflected back to just a year ago to when I couldn’t make it through a weekend like this – walking around the city for 2 days without a lot of pain, exhaustion and fear – fear of my stomach being swelled to looking pregnant, fear of when will it go down, fear of what did I do to deserve to live in a body like this, fear of will I ever be the same, and fear of how  much longer can I take this.  I was reminded of that deep pain….and instantly reminded of undeniable Praise for the gift of healing God has given me.

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Touching my stomach before I drifted off to sleep, I smiled remembering all those that prayed for me and the nights I prayed so directly, boldly, desperately to God to heal me, heal this stomach, heal my mind.  And the way the prayers have been answered:  a flat belly back, a healthy digestive system, continued healing of my energy levels and, mostly, the healing of my mind and releasing of fear in my life – trust in God and all things he places in my path.

I’m reminded that through pain you can be given the gift of seeing life through new lenses, beautiful, gratitude-filled eyes.  I know that pain grows us, builds us and brings us closer to Him, closer to His will for us, if we let it, and closer to the Promises of faith, hope, love, joy, and peace.

I feel things these days and I am grateful.  I am grateful for sunshine and fun weekends with family for God’s love and for my desmoid and the experience is has granted me – the opportunity to grow up, stand up, step up into my full self and for the gift of love.

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I am reminded of how important prayer and time with God is.  I ask that you continue to pray for my Mother and her healing.  Pray for all those around the world living with Cancer and their families supporting them.  I guarantee they’ll all be grateful.

I am reminded that asking for help, talking about your pain and difficulty and being open about what you’re experiencing is way more courageous than holding it in, isolating and convincing yourself that no one will understand or that no one else is going through what you’re going through – because they are…and just by saying you are too you could change their lives.  I know, it’s happened to me.  Others vulnerability changed my life.

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How has pain and hardships grown you?  Is there something you are experiencing now that you feel like you cannot endure another day?  How are you coping?  Have you asked others to pray or support you?

How are you celebrating the pain and the gifts it is bringing in your life?

In love and healing,




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