Portions.

I am living parts of my life in portions right now.  Structured portions…..

For the things I seem to replace God with when left to my own devices.

I am learning obedience.

My portions look like this:

I can eat a certain amount.

I can run a certain amount.

And the rest I give away.

I have exact portions of what I can eat.  I commit this each morning, I get on my knees and pray to God that He help me in keeping that commitment and I feel free all day.  This is part of my healing right now.

I have a plan with my PT about exactly how much running I can do and I set a timer, I run it and then, by the grace of God, I stop (cause like Forest, I would just keep going if I could 🙂 and my body is not there yet…..and so I have portions.

And this is where I am right now.  Its right for me…right now.

I read an excerpt from The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson a few weeks ago that gave me clarity on this and it burst back to my mind in a run today (my portion of a run), so I share it with you…

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Page 112:

The Manna Miracle

When God provided the miraculous manna for the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness, it says He provided “enough for that day.”  Just enough.  The language describing God’s provision is extremely precise.  Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered a little had enough.  God provided just enough.  Then He gave them a curious command:  “Do no keep any of it until morning.” 

So why does God provide just enough?  Why would God forbid leftovers?  What’s wrong with taking a little initiative and gathering enough manna for two days or two weeks?

Here’s my take on the manna miracle:  The manna was a daily reminder of their daily dependence on God.  God wanted to cultivate their daily dependence by providing for their needs on a daily basis.  Nothing has changed.  Isn’t that the point of the Lord’s Prayer?  “Give us today our daily bread?”

We want a one-week or one-month or one-year supply of God’s provision, but God wants us to drop to our knees every day in raw dependence on Him.  And God knows that if He provided too much too soon, we’d lose our spiritual hunger.  He knows we’d stop trusting in our Provider and start trusting in the provision.

One of our fundamental misunderstandings of spiritual maturity is thinking that it should result in self-sufficiency.  It’s the exact opposite. The goal isn’t independence; the goal is codependence on God.  Our desire for self-sufficiency is a subtle expression of our sinful nature.  It’s a desire to get to a place where we don’t need God, don’t need faith, and don’t need to pray.  We want God to provide more so we need Him less.

And, so, that’s what I wanted to share today.

In love and healing,

Sera

 

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5 Comments

  1. Syna says:

    I am so thrilled to be reading your words again. Your honesty is so humbling. I am so inspired by the person you are. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us and continuing to be such an inspiration. You are amazing.

    • serafiana says:

      I am so grateful you wrote! Thanks, Syna! I am grateful to be back and grateful you like to read it. AND grateful you like the new layout. I love it too…and you..you know. XX

  2. Lindsey says:

    Sera, I LOVE this post. Just enough for today. I feel like this is a powerful message God’s pressing on my heart, over and over. Trust Him, look backward at what he’s done (for me but also for others, in my life and in the Word), and trust Him for tomorrow. He always provides enough for today. And that means, what I have today is enough.

    Love you sister!
    XOXOXO

    • serafiana says:

      Amen, sister. Today its enough. For today. Just enough. I like the idea of looking back at what he’s done for others and through the Word. I’ve been looking at it through just my life, but I agree, looking at it with other lenses could prove so encouraging today.
      Love you too, dear.

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