How I am healing…

I haven’t done a healing check-in lately, so here it is:

Mostly good.

Dr. H was pleased with my progress last week and gave me the green light to move towards a “running plan” (earlier than originally anticipated!) which means I can work with my PT to start a slow jogging program.  Exciting.  I am grateful to have (as you know) a great PT to start working on this with and I promised to take it slow and do what my body can take.

I’ve been increasing my exercises to full planks and squats as I stated before and have had some soreness, but mostly okay.

My stomach can handle foods that it hasn’t been able to in quite a few years and that’s been a trick for me.  A trick in that I want to experiment and figure out what I can/cannot have, but tricky in to know when to introduce what and how much.

My diet has taken a little tumble lately as I experiment and eat too much some days.  Without my normal exercise routine and new foods being added, I’ve gained weight, which is quite frightening to me.  I turn it over to God and let it go.  I remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be and no matter what I am loved.  I need to be reminded of that.  I am not happy with my weight or how I look right now, but I know I can feel that pain now, examine it and/or let it go.  My choice.  Will the crazy body thoughts ever stop for me?  Not sure, 31 years and they’re still here (less, but here) – I’m hopeful that if I can dig under them to what is really bothering me (the imperfection I feel because the scale is not where I want it to be, the fear of being judged, the fear of judging myself and the fear of being inferior and a failure, the lack of control I feel and the shame of it all)…I can get stronger and I can get better and I am.

I let it go.  I surrender.  I forgive.

In other healing news, my scar looks great and my shoulders are feeling strong (I’ve had chronic pain here the past few year too due to the lack of core control, but my PT has attacked this).

This year has been a year of healing for me…

I’m starting to wonder if all my years haven’t been just that…a healing journey….and in way I hope that always will be because to me there is so much growth and abundance in healing.

In love and healing,

Sera

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3 Comments

  1. lmechenb says:

    Wonderful news! So glad you are released to start a running plan! That is awesome! Sounds like you have an amazing physical therapist! Keep up the great work! You and your mom are in our thoughts and prayers. 🙂

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