With love….from Dallas

I am checking in from Dallas this a.m. where I have an appointment at UT Southwestern today.  What a joy it is.

Unknown

I am staying at the same hotel that just 5 months ago (almost to the day) my parents nurtured me back to health.  Checking in last night reminded me of the anxiety I felt last time I checked in.  The unknown I felt of, “what was I doing?”  Although God was giving me signs that I was doing all the right things, I still wasn’t quite sure how to let go and trust that.  Trust that choosing surgery, again, was the right thing.

This experience taught me faith and trust.

faith.

Last night as I laid down to go to sleep, I smiled remembering how last time I did this routine here, I couldn’t roll over on my side and sleep….and I was so frustrated.  I do not sleep well on my back and all I wanted in the midst of the pain of the surgery was to have a good night sleep.  I really only had to sleep on my back for about 2 months (2 months relative to being able to sleep on my side for about 31 years and 8 months = not so long)…2 months after a surgery when all else is in pain feels very long.

This experience taught me patience.

patience

This morning as I did my “workout” = PT exercises and my FIRST FULL PLANKS (applause is accepted!) my natural instinct was to dismiss the accomplishment and my strength as I looked in the mirror because my body is “not at the weight I want it to be.”  My mature self knows, this is ridiculous and if it was up to my mind, I’ll never be the right body size in the mirror.  It’s my thing, I own it, I laugh at it (and cry at it sometimes), but it is – and that is fine.  It makes me, me.  Instead of focusing on this diversion of body, I immediately sat and prayed and glorified and thanked God for all he has graced me with in the last 5 months:

Healing

Hope

Joy

Love

Family

Love

Peace 

more Love &

……….my miracle – a healthy belly, a healthy body, a healthier mind.

As I prepare to go see Dr. Hoxworth today, hug him, celebrate with him and love him for his role in this journey, I was graced with this reminder today in my inbox from Danielle LePorte:

unnamed

…and I will because this experience taught me (and continues to teach me) courage.

The courage to…….love me, be me and celebrate this life…..exactly as it is right now…..perfectly imperfect.

Phew, and that is courageous for me.

In love and healing,

Sera

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