The Voyage for my Voice.

I am on a voyage to find my voice and how to use it.  My truth and how to tell it.  My heart and how to feel it.

Some days of the voyage are easier than others.

Some of the stories on the voyage are easier to tell than others.  Telling you about the healing of my story and the people who have helped me get here gets easier each time I write.

That is using my voice.

Talking about things that are hurting me and scary to talk about in this moment – not so easy,

Finding the balance of engaging in healing, respecting the private time I need to heal and sharing with you during the healing (because its part of the healing) – this is the keeper of my thoughts, fears and the most difficult dance I am mentally waltzing to right now.

That is telling my truth.

Here’s what I want to tell you (and mostly have):
My body is healing well.
I am so grateful for this surgery, my doctors, my friends and family that have got me through.
I love my job and where I live and am at such a place of joy in my life.

Here is what I don’t want to tell you (and mostly haven’t):
My Mom has breast cancer and I don’t know how to deal with that. Even with my history, my job, my life’s path. This is confusing and frustrating.

I am a recovering bulimic, over exerciser and compulsive eater. Many of you have no idea what that means, but for those if you who do know that even though I am in recovery, addiction is a hard disease to live with. When painful events come up, like having a major surgery and then your Mother being diagnosed with breast cancer, you have to use your tools and stay very close to God.

I am feeling scared, confused and hopeful right now.  All at the same time.

This is whats on my heart and how I am feeling.

While I have been in a bit of a cloud of discomfort lately, here are the tools helping me keep the sun peaking through:

Prayer, prayer, prayer – God, keep me abstinent today and positive and faith-filled.

Journaling – I must have filled 3 journals in the last fee weeks.

Reaching out to others – Friends, family, my amazing Steve, and friends in my Programs lift me right up.

Faith – the hope and faith of knowing that life is a journey of highs and lows and I will have both is powerful fuel for my mind.

Gratitude – Having gratitude for all I do have NOW in this present moment is the gift I always have.

So, today I offer you a little of my voice, my truth and my heart –  and in a few days hopefully a little more.  This is the voyage.

In love and healing,

Sera

mom.sera

Mom and I at a wedding last weekend. She’s a healing rockstar. Just like me.

baptism

Celebrating with Pastor Joel after my baptism last week. What a joy!

dad.sera.baptism

Dad and I outside of NCC.

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4 Comments

  1. lmechenb says:

    Amazing post, Sera. I know that wasn’t easy to do. Beautiful pictures of you and your family. Congrats on your baptism. That is awesome! You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Glad to heal both you and your mom are healing like rock stars! Hugs!

    • serafiana says:

      Thanks, Laura. I’m so grateful for your prayers. Please keep them coming – for healing, love, faith and joy for my family. I hope your healing is going well too!! Hugs.

  2. Jen Sciore says:

    Sera, I just cried reading this blog. First off, thanks for sharing this information. It is not easy to show vulnerability to others and I give you so much credit and respect for sharing your personal struggles. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. If she is anything like you she will fight and beat the cancer! You ladies have lots of strength from the inside our! My prayers are with you and your family. Lots of love from the Sciore’s:)

    • serafiana says:

      Thanks, Jen. Its funny how Mom’s journey shines light on my journey. The docs say the same thing as you – like mother, like daughter. Given my healing journey and that she’s been my teacher, she’ll be just fine. I’ll be in Gburg more over the coming months, so we’ll have to meet up finally!

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